A town official in Kennebunk, Maine has refused to apologize after suggesting in a school board meeting that parents concerned about boys competing in girls’ sports are merely expressing “their own pedophilic tendencies.” Although the school board chairman immediately decried the remark as “inappropriate,” the official has doubled down, placing a greater priority on publicly standing with the transgender agenda than on upholding public decency and charity.

The remarks came at an October 20 meeting of the school board for Maine Regional School (RSU) Unit 21, which covers the towns of Arundel, Kennebunk, and Kennebunkport. Speaking by phone, Kennebunk Select Board Member and Vice Chair Leslie Trentalange (the select board is the equivalent of a town council), who also served as town liaison with RSU 21, indulged in a rant against community members who care enough to engage in local politics.

In particular, Trentalange was responding to persistent advocacy by concerned citizens who wanted to keep boys out of girls’ sports. “This is not fair to girls,” father of Kennebunk High School graduates Tom Moyer had said at a February school board meeting. “Boys, on average, are bigger, faster, stronger, and more powerful than girls, giving boys an athletic advantage.”

“I would just like to express to the board and the superintendent that these people crowding the room these last weeks during public comment, with their creepy obsessions, are not, in fact, the majority opinion, as much as they think they are, and as loud or email-manic as they are,” Trentalange began.

The first lesson here is to be cautious about asserting what “the majority opinion” might be, simply on the basis of one’s own personal feelings. In a February 25 New York Times/Ipsos poll, 79% of a politically balanced group of respondents opposed allowing “athletes who were male at birth but who currently identify as female” to compete in female sports.

Undaunted by her inaccuracy, Trentalange continued:

“I am so sorry that you, the board, superintendent, and community listening in real time or watching later, have to be subject to this — a group that has clearly made hate their only hobby — that you have [been] made to listen to their rants. Their obsession with what private parts are sitting in between the legs of our students is nothing less than creepy and should absolutely be raising eyebrows in and around our school district. They clearly don’t care at all about the well-being of our students. That is clear every meeting, as they state their piece during public comment and leave without paying attention to the rest of any meeting. For shame.”

All this was prelude to Trentalange’s most offensive comment of all. “Their obsession with genitalia points not to caring for the students in this district, but perhaps toward an underlying guilt for their own pedophilic tendencies,” declared the town official.

At this moment, the audio records a gasp from the off-mike audience, and School Board Chairman Matthew Stratford immediately cut in, “Leslie, Leslie, Point of order, Leslie.”

But Trentalange had one last barb to throw. “There is a registry for that,” she concluded. “I’m done.”

“There’s no room for that, Leslie,” Stratford responded. “Point of order, everyone, please. That was inappropriate. I called that out. Please silence your voices.”

Even when given the opportunity, Trentalange refused to acknowledge that she had crossed a line. “I don’t think that was inappropriate, and I stand by my comments,” she countered, “and that was all I had to say. Thank you.”

This shocking exchange provokes several questions. First, why did Trentalange feel the need to go on offense against advocates for women’s sports? The charitable interpretation of her actions seems likely to be the correct one: she viewed their position as an expression of “hate” for people who identify as transgender, and she believed it was important to respond by taking a public stand in solidarity with this group.

Yet even according to this interpretation, Trentalange’s speech was merely another expression of the performative politics that has become so ubiquitous in an age of social media. That is, Trentalange’s speech was not intended to persuade, to advance any cause, or to improve the lives of any Mainers. It merely delineated a status marker, setting Trentalange and those who agreed with her apart from — and above — “these people” who dared to disrupt the smooth operation of local government by “crowding the room these last weeks.”

Second, it’s worth asking, where did Trentalange go wrong? I submit that her primary error was a lack of charity, which led her to impute ill motives to those with whom she disagreed. She accused them of hatred, a lack of care for students, “obsession with genitalia” of children, and “underlying guilt” related to latent pedophilia.

Yet, like all people, Trentalange is limited to forming judgments by what she perceives through her five senses, leaving her incapable of rendering a final verdict on another person’s heart. From the subtleties of Freudian psychoanalysis to the blunter descriptors, she was not in a position to prove any of her accusations. As the Lord explains to Samuel, “man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). Paul applies this principle in a church context, “Why do you pass judgment on your brother? … For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God” (Romans 14:10).

This is a lesson we all ought to keep in mind. Most people — even the most dangerous, misled, and wicked — believe that their motives are good. Let us try to understand others charitably, while also assessing them with the realistic recognition that sin permeates every heart. Even avowed socialist Zohran Mamdani believes his policies will result in good; that does not make him right, but we need not ascribe to him unprovable, evil intentions to effectively counter his arguments.

The same lack of charity can and does crop up on either side of the political aisle. In a recent conversation with an avowed anti-Semite, influential podcaster Tucker Carlson cast aspersions upon Christian supporters of Israel, choosing to mock their arguments rather than respond to them. Carlson’s lack of charity for conservatives with whom he disagreed led him to provide a sympathetic platform to a known peddler of racist views. At the same time, Christians should beware of responding in kind, especially as uncharitable imputations rapidly erode norms across the aisle.

Third, how could Trentalange have done better? She should have remembered that government in America is of, by, and for the people. This recollection would have led to engage more respectfully, listening to constituent concerns, celebrating the broad public interest in local politics, and remembering that she serves all the citizens of Kennebunk (population 11,500), not just those who agree with her.

On this score, School Board Chairman Stratford presented a positive contrast. He immediately called out Trentalange’s comments as inappropriate, while also insisting on decorum from those present at the school board meeting. Yet Stratford, a former D.C.-area defense contractor, is no right-wing culture warrior. He defended the school district’s current policy, which allows boys to compete in women’s sports, “This policy remains compliant and grounded in Maine law, and the school board has no plans to revisit this during the 2025-26 school year.” But he did so in a civil, fair way.

Trentalange could also improve her performance by apologizing for her groundless insinuations of felony misconduct. After citizens called for her apology or censure at an October 28 meeting of the Kennebunk Select Board, Trentalange mustered a statement that scarcely qualified, “If there are folks in the marginalized queer community who feel my message did not serve them, or hurt them in any way, it is that which I regret. I also regret the undue and undeserved backlash other members of the Select Board or town’s staff have felt over my comments as an individual.”

Yet, as an at-large member of the Kennebunk Select Board, Trentalange ought to represent the entire town, not just the “queer community.” Rather than do so, Trentalange “relinquished her role as RSU 21 liaison,” according to the Portland Press Herald.

American politics has often been confrontational, impolite, and even dirty. Yet there seems to be increasing public acceptance of political vices, as Americans increasingly identify themselves by insulated politicized camps, rather than shared norms. Much of this is driven by the rise in performative politics, made convenient by the widespread accessibility of cellphone cameras and social media. But it is also driven by America’s increasing abandonment of biblical teaching, including an abandonment of the Christian virtue of charity.

I know not whether the eroding norms of civility and decency can be reinforced. But if it is possible, it will begin first with individuals — and here Christians should take the lead — setting a good example by treating those with whom they disagree with charity.