The strongest souls and the weakest, most fragile souls often share a single, jagged trait: brokenness.

There is a brokenness that drags us into shadow — a crushing weight that strips us of worth, hope, and light. Yet there is another kind. It’s a quiet fracturing that carves a path to healing and strength. The question lingers: how do we — or those we love — find the courage to step from one into the other? First, it is helpful to understand some common outcomes of brokenness.

1. The Broken Bully

At Family Research Council’s 2024 Pray Vote Stand Summit, the Benham brothers, David and Jason, made this statement: “Boldness apart from brokenness makes a bully.” It stuck with me because it rings true, doesn’t it? Bullies typically do not roll out of bed itching to torment others out of nowhere. There are some bad apples out there, to be sure, but if you analyze the experiences of those who harass or harm, you’ll often find a raw, recurring scar: unresolved trauma.

Bullies tear others down because they lack the confidence to stand tall in the face of adversity or temptations. Many bullies come from broken homes or were victims of bullying themselves. In an attempt to mask insecurity, they choose to tease others in order to “fit in” or win the approval of those they view as superior. This outcome of brokenness, like the Benham brothers noted, fuels the fire of smothering others with insults and cruelty. It’s a flimsy, pseudo-boldness that masquerades as something courageous when, in truth, it is a sign of a flailing, broken coward slapping band-aids on gaping gunshot wounds.

And yet, as craven as their actions may be, this is an example of someone who needs help. Even the broken bully is crying out to be saved, but their behaviors don’t lend themselves to helping hands. Pride-filled eyes look into the mirror looking for strength, only to be met with weakness. It’s crushing; it’s rage-inducing; it’s agonizing. As a result, the bully’s pent-up vexations find their vengeance in those around them.

2. The Broken Loner

Brokenness does not always drag someone down the path of becoming a bully. Sometimes — and I’d wager more often than we think — brokenness causes a deluge of self-hatred that plunges us into the stormy seas of commiseration and self-deceit.

I’ll never forget a moment I experienced in high school, when it felt like the world shattered around me. A downcast girl, alone in her room, drowning in the suffocating belief that no one would miss her if she disappeared. A lot led to this moment, and surely it was forged to my advantage. However, it is the mindset I want to spotlight. I only felt this undone because I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity, turning inward as I strutted the path of self-reflective ruin.

In this phase of life, friends didn’t come easily, and I was longing for what I didn’t have or had lost in the past. Isolative tendencies swallowed me whole, and I spent many waking hours entertaining the vain thoughts that no one cared and that my life held no value. As someone raised in a loving and faithful household, you may be surprised at just how much I was questioning my purpose. Or maybe you’re not — maybe you’ve tasted this bitter darkness too.

Too many have not only endured this kind of brokenness but are presently trapped in it. Where’s the hope? Where’s the light at the end of the tunnel? This kind of brokenness causes us to turn inward and feed a despair that will never find a reason to go on. The person wrestling with this quiet, lonely heartache may not turn around and bully others. Instead, it’s this strain of brokenness that so often drags them into a relentless pit of depression and self-hatred, substance abuse, or even the desperate act of taking their own life.

3. The Broken Yet Redeemed

Perhaps you’ve noticed a common thread weaving through these two versions of brokenness explored thus far. Put simply, it’s the fact that both are searching inward for remedies that don’t exist, don’t last, and end up worsening the symptoms experienced. The cure for otherwise damning brokenness is found in a source outside of ourselves.

It is in looking to God, His word, and His Son’s sacrifice on the cross, and you’ll discover the true, eternal restoration and hope found only in Christ. At the core of the gospel lies a stark, piercing truth: you are broken, you are desperate for rescue, and you are utterly unequipped to save yourself. There is only One who is able — and who has already finished — the work required to secure your salvation and balm your brokenness.

Christ is the one who suffered pain beyond measure. At the cross He satisfied the utter wrath of God by taking on the full weight of sin for our sake. As a result, our weary and contrite spirits find their completion in the atonement Christ accomplished. We cling to hope in the risen Savior, knowing that soon we too will rise with Him, and dwell forever blessed in His presence. We have purpose in His will for our lives. And brokenness, dear reader, isn’t a hurdle to conquer before faith. No, it’s the very spark that reveals our desperate need for it. Scripture echoes this relentlessly: our brokenness should hurl us to the foot of the cross and into the arms of Christ.

Consider the Psalms, where we are constantly reminded of God’s nearness. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit,” proclaims Psalm 34:18. “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds,” states Psalm 147:3. The Apostle Paul, in the midst of torment, wrote in 2 Corinthians 1:8-10, “For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will deliver us again.”

Our savior, Christ Himself, said in Matthew 5:3-6, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.” And in 2 Corinthians 12:9, we read this glorious declaration: “But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

The theologian J.I. Packer put it well when he wrote:

“God uses chronic pain and weakness, along with other afflictions, as His chisel for sculpting our lives. Felt weakness deepens dependence on Christ for strength each day. The weaker we feel, the harder we lean. And the harder we lean, the stronger we grow spiritually, even while our bodies waste away. To live with your ‘thorn’ uncomplainingly — that is, sweet, patient, and free in heart to love and help others, even though every day you feel weak — is true sanctification. It is true healing for the spirit. It is a supreme victory of grace.”

Ultimately, there’s a brokenness that leads to hurting others or further harming ourselves. Then there’s a brokenness that carries us onto the shores of Christ’s redeeming love and boundless grace. May those of us who believe find ourselves sailing smoothly into His loving care, holding fast to the truth that He will never leave us nor forsake us; knowing that by His stripes we are healed; knowing that our redemption is flawless and forever. As we rest secure, may our lives be geared toward sharing these sacred truths with those who have yet to find shelter in them.