Where will my grief take me? It’s interesting that the most unavoidable, predetermined, and consistent fact of life is the one thing that destroys us most. In case you weren’t aware: your earthly life, and the earthly lives of all those you know, will end soon. Today? Let’s hope not. But we all know the end is imminent. Our response to grief, though, is a choice; grief can pull us away from God or draw us near to Him. “As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord ’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him” (Psalms 18:30). But it is up to us to choose where our grief takes us.

My grief had ripped me apart countless times. I had allowed this fact of life — the thing I have always known will one day come to everyone I know — to sink me into seemingly unescapable sorrow and despair. Although my roots could be found in the wooden pews of a small Baptist church, I had lost sight of the God I thought was forever in front of me. I chose to run away from my only true Comforter when I needed Him most.

Thousands of people across the United States and the rest of the world are grappling with loss, and many of them have no hope to cling to or any comfort to seek. My walk with the Lord is characterized by the deaths of those close to me, and I had felt completely defeated at each loss. Remorse over experiences I would never get to have with them, achievements of mine they would never see, and traditions that had permanently ended would flood my mind. How could God take something so precious? Why would he leave me without the source of comfort and direction that had been with me my whole life?

When my uncle suddenly passed away, I was left utterly confused. When I lost loved ones in the past, I could find reason in God’s actions. I understood that they were sick, old, and had little to enjoy in life. I was ignorant enough to believe that it mattered whether I agreed with what God was doing. So it came as a shock to me that God would do something beyond my comprehension. How dare He?

As expected, my family and I were left asking: “Why?” We could not rationalize the situation we were in. And I could not reconcile a loving God with the sudden death of someone who was immensely important to each life he touched.

Although our grief in these losses is justified, our response is a choice. Will we draw near to God in our loss, or will we run away? When speaking to the Israelites upon conquering the Promised Land, Joshua gave them a choice: “But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15). God has granted us the free will to choose, but no matter our choice, He uses it all for His glory. “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Grief can make people do things they never imagined. For me, grief made me witness things I never want to see again. I’ve seen many people in my life choose to allow grief to destroy them. They chose to turn from the only One who could take them in His arms and show them that their circumstance does not determine God’s love (Romans 8:34-39).

Grief didn’t have to ruin me, and it doesn’t have to ruin you. The enemy will try to take our grief and twist it into something that disproves God’s goodness. Grappling with the question “Why God?” is our greatest downfall. But thank God He isn’t afraid of our questions, for He says, “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know” (Jeremiah 33:3).

One of the most life-altering realizations I had amid my grief — and the grief of my family — was that my life is not mine, and my uncle’s life was not his. “If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord” (Romans 14:8). No matter what situation we find ourselves in, our lives belong to God.

The self-centered nature of man never fails to shock me, especially when I realize that I am self-centered too. If I died, went to Heaven, and experienced the goodness that the Lord has in store, I wouldn’t want to come back here! But because of my own unwillingness to deal with the difficulty of grief, I demanded that God send my uncle back.

Thank God He does His will regardless of my feelings. He is consistent, ever-present, and never changing, for “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). The Lord never told me I wouldn’t experience trouble. He tells me in His word that I surely will. His word says: “In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials” (1 Peter 1:6). My life isn’t easy, and it never will be. But the love, peace, and strength of God in my life do not depend on my circumstances.

If I only feel peace in the calm, do I ever really have peace? If I only have strength when life is easy, was I ever strong? If I only stay by the Lord when He does what I want, was I ever loyal to Him? The answer is no. When I take my grief to the Lord and stay close to Him, I experience the peace, strength, and love that were always there for me. My situation does not determine the goodness of God, but I must choose to see His goodness in my struggles. Where will my grief take me? I choose God.

“When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds” (Psalms 73:21-28).

Caily Shriver serves as an intern at Family Research Council.