I am an angry, impatient person. I didn’t think I was. Then I had kids. Every parent is now nodding along in agreement. Sometimes we sugarcoat it with euphemisms — frustration, irritation, annoyance — but it is anger all the same. The challenge in moments of anger is to remember and heed the inspired exhortation of both Paul and David, “Be angry and do not sin” (Psalm 4:4; Ephesians 4:26).

Relatedly, I have kids who will not sleep. Perhaps I am particularly poor at training them. Or perhaps this trial falls into the category of those “common to man” (1 Corinthians 10:13). I say this is related because their sleeplessness is often the catalyst which provokes my anger. One would think that leaving exhausted tots in a dark room with abundant white noise would suffice to shutter their peepers. But oh, no — sometimes the battle requires direct, sustained intervention.

This is where temptation sets in. Sometimes, amid the second or third hour of this nearly nightly campaign, the philosophy of Niccolo Machiavelli begins to sound appealing, “a question arises: whether it be better to be loved than feared or feared than loved? It may be answered that one should wish to be both, but, because it is difficult to unite them in one person, it is much safer to be feared than loved.” If I just yelled a little, my errant thoughts reason, at least they would fear me and be quiet, and then go to sleep.

But this philosophy is “according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ” (Colossians 2:8). It seeks a temporary victory at the expense of the entire war.

On the contrary, Scripture commands, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

“The discipline and instruction of the Lord” includes modeling, by my own conduct, what God the Father is like. He is “a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty” (Exodus 34:6-7).

Thus, godly fatherhood involves showing my children the same mercy and grace that the Father has shown me. It requires being patient with them, as the Lord “is patient toward you” (2 Peter 3:9). It means forgiving them, “for if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15).

No one command or principle (nor any multiple of them) can cover all the exigencies of authority, so Scripture communicates the vision by analogy. “When one rules justly over men, ruling in the fear of God, he dawns on them like the morning light, like the sun shining forth on a cloudless morning, like rain that makes grass to sprout from the earth” (2 Samuel 23:3-4).

What is godly fatherhood like? It blesses, brings peace, gives life, and causes growth, just as these images of the good world created by our heavenly Father.

As in everything, let Jesus Christ be our supreme example. Although he never sired physical descendants, he did obtain offspring through his sacrificial death (Isaiah 53:10), and he now reigns as “the head of the body, the church” (Colossians 1:18).

If Christian fathers would be godly, let them use their authority as Jesus uses his. As Paul says in a different context, we are “not to please ourselves … for Christ did not please himself” (Romans 15:1, 3). Rather, let us strive to bring up our children in “the discipline and instruction of the Lord,” striving by our discipline to incubate “the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11).

Worldly wisdom counsels fathers to either ignore or indulge our inevitable anger. Godly wisdom counsels us to be, like Jesus, “gentle and lowly in heart” (Matthew 11:29).