What are you willing to lose friends over? Can you think of anything?

Maybe it’s an odd question, especially coming so shortly after Senator J.D. Vance, the Republican vice presidential candidate, told us not to “cast aside family members and lifelong friendships.” After all, he urged, “politics is not worth it.” In many ways, the senator is right. We shouldn’t lose friends or tarnish familial relationships over petty political debate. However, in other ways, there’s far more to this conversation that’s worth addressing.

Let’s first talk about the gospel. Any professing Christian should be able to articulate its message along these lines: The gospel is the good news that “God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ” (Ephesians 2:4). He did this by sending His one and only Son to die an excruciating death on the cross to pay the debt we, as sinners, could never pay. In consummation of this great plan of redemption, Christ was buried for three days, rose from the dead, and now sits at the right hand of the Father. At the cross, Christ defeated sin and death, making and securing the way to eternal salvation for those who put their faith in Him. Hallelujah!

It’s a glorious reality — beautiful and astounding in every way down to its core. And yet, only Christians can be expected to see it this way. If someone is unconverted, chances are their eyes have not been opened to some harsh, life-changing realities. The fact that we’re sinners in need of a Savior is inherently offensive. It hurts our pride to acknowledge how helpless we are apart from our Creator. It defies our pride to recognize our need to die to self, pick up our cross, and follow God by submitting our wills to His. Hostility toward the gospel is not only real, but common! More than that, it’s expected.

When it comes to experiencing hardship, 1 Peter 4:12 cuts to the chase: “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” Similarly, 1 John 3:13 states, “Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you.” This message continues in other portions of Scripture, and even Jesus Himself said we will be hated for His name’s sake. This all points to the reality that the gospel message, which gets to the heart of our biggest issues as fallen mankind, is offensive. Indeed, Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 1:18 that “the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing.”

But this gospel is not folly, and it’s worth losing friends over.

Why do I believe this? Well, because there will be times when we lose friends, and the church would benefit from accepting that fact. Yes, we must speak the truth in love and aim to live peaceably with all. But if you’re a Christian, especially if you’re vocal and unashamed about your faith and biblical values, chances are you’ve experienced backlash. Perhaps you’ve already lost close relationships. We see it all the time. Intolerant, distasteful disagreement is basically a staple of social media (and the public square in general) at this point! But even in the midst of hostility, even when we’re surrounded by people who hate what we believe, Christians must remain steadfast.

Christians are called to stand firm, but this is simply not going to happen if we’re more concerned with catering to emotions than we are about proclaiming God’s truth. We won’t stand firm if we fear man more than we fear God. The call to stand firm has never been obeyed by a Christian who’s too scared to expose the sins of a loved one in case they hurt that relationship. Katy Faust, the founder and president of Them Before Us, knows this well.

At Family Research Council’s 2024 Pray Vote Stand Summit, Faust explained what led her to create an organization dedicated to protecting children. “[P]eople tend to fall on one of two sides of the spectrum,” she said. “[E]ither you’re the natural truth-teller or you’re the natural grace giver.” Faust would describe herself as the latter — a sort of people-pleaser, if you will. But she will also be the first to confess that there’re certain matters worth sacrificing comfort for. As she put it, the “reason I’m in the middle of this cultural fight right now is because it became very clear to me that children were being victimized, and that was really the only thing … I realized I’m actually willing to lose friendships over.”

Being willing to lose friendships is not the same as seeking to lose friendships. What Faust was getting at is that she was okay making people uncomfortable if it meant standing up for children. She’s willing to proclaim truth, even if the people in her life disagree with her. Faust is willing to let friends and family walk away if they choose to if it means not compromising on her convictions. Can the same be said about you?

Are you willing to let friends and family laugh at you for believing in Christ? Are you willing to truly love someone by confronting their sins, even if it means they’ll walk away? Let’s narrow in some more. Are you willing to lose friends over the sanctity of life and the defense of the unborn? Will you take slander for the sake of standing firm on the truth that there are only two genders, and we don’t get to pick which one we identify as? Does the biblical definition of marriage mean enough to you to boldly defend it in a world that will call you a homophobic bigot for holding to it? Sure, these are political matters. But don’t forget that these are first and foremost biblical matters — the unchanging truths that God has established. Are you willing to lose friends over these?

I’ve watched loved ones decline an invitation to a same-sex wedding. There are people who are mocked by their peers every day for refusing to denounce their biblical values. The examples of Christians who are willing to lose friends for the sake of Christ are endless, and my hope and prayer is that you and I can be among those Christians. But first, we have to be willing.

However, something else we ought to keep in mind as we prepare to stand firm in our faith, even at the expense of close relationships, is the fact that a friendship lost is not a friendship that cannot later be redeemed. As a Christian, you should be willing to let people walk away while being fully prepared to welcome them back with open arms. Is that not the entire purpose behind the parable of the prodigal son? The fact that even in all our shortcomings we have a King who advocates for us is at the heart of the gospel! The fact that nothing can separate us sinners from Christ’s love is our source of hope that even our earthly relationships, though they break, can be restored.

Rosaria Butterfield is a wonderful example of this. As a former lesbian, feminist activist, Rosaria had some friends who were unwilling to affirm her anti-biblical beliefs. They made every effort to ensure she knew that they loved, valued, and respected her. However, even though they knew it would make her uncomfortable, they chose to share the truth with Rosaria anyway and encouraged her to read Scripture. There was a point when Rosaria wanted nothing to do with them and confessed, “I don’t need [these people] as friends anymore.” However, once the Lord opened her eyes, Rosaria realized something quite powerful. Despite not wanting to hear what they had to say as she battled the flesh, Rosaria recognized: “They loved me enough to tell the truth.”

Dear Christian, if you struggle to be open and honest about your beliefs in a world that wants to suppress them, you’re certainly not alone. I’m right there with you. It’s scary, and it’s hard. But more importantly, it’s worth every ounce of fear we must overcome. It’s worth the risks of rebuke and the possibility of losing a friend. These are not just fluffy matters but matters that cover the plains of good and evil; truth and lies; life and death. 

I hope you’re willing to lose friends over God’s truth. If you are, you may see the day when some of those very people who walked away come back because they come to realize: “Wow. They really did love me. And I know they loved me, because even when I didn’t want it, they chose to tell me the truth.”